Impact of Job Stress on Employee Performance

Impact of Job Stress on Employee Performance CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION BACKGROUND People at work worry about all sorts of things like increasing competition for jobs, change in culture, globalization, terrorism, new technology looking after aging parent and relatives, annual performance appraisals, outsourcing of jobs along with increased demand of employer for higher productivity. At times, these and some other different factors make the employees to go through certain pressures when they have to meet deadlines, cope up with some kind of strange but critical situations. They need to become accustomed to the cultural changes of the organization, learn new procedures and timely attend meetings along with being innovative. Looking at these situations, at first hand, appear to be the integral part of any job but when we look deeper and closer at all these, they are nothing but stressors which cause hindrance to the performance thus causing damage to the productivity and performance of the organization on the whole. All the good organizations take necessary concern an d exerciseextreme care and foresightwith reference to job stress. So they, in their own larger interest, take very good care of their employees, value them, invest in them and work extra mile to cope their problems and fulfill their needs. Work place pressure is growing day by day, people face changing economic and business situations, changing customer expectations and changing expectations from their own role and position in the organization (Moten, 2009). Therefore, there are three issues that arise in considering effect of job-related stress on individual organizations and the economy in general which are: how should work-related stress be specified, what determines its presence at the workplace and what is its importance as a predictor of individuals behavior? Nearly everyone agrees that job stress results from the interaction of the worker and the conditions of work. Views differ, however, on the importance of worker characteristics versus working conditions as the primary cause of job stress. These differing viewpoints are important because they suggest different ways to prevent stress at work. Performance is defined as the results and accomplishments cherished by the organization or system that one works in. It is natural that the working environment of the system where people work directly affects performance of human beings. People need work that motivates them with healthy working conditions, and the chance to play a part in social surroundings of work and to feel valued. Stressful working situations and conditions, arising from any of above mentioned factors, can directly or indirectly effect on job performance of the employee. Work place pressure affects the performance at a greater extent and it need to be dealt with carefully. Stress at a greater level on the other hand is harmful and has a negative effect on performance of employees over the long term as it wears down an individual and underutilizes his or her energy resources. High levels of stress can cause, low morale at work, fatigue, late comings, absenteeism and trouble in getting along with other team members or co-workers. Recently many organizations are becoming responsive towards increasing cost of occupational stress, not only in human and financial terms but also to the national economy in general. The cost of replacing an employee who is underperforming owing to stress is between 50 to 90 % of his salary (Personnel Management, Factsheet 7, July 1998). Job stress is as much a corporate business issue as it is a health issue for organizations. Job stress charge American businesses billions of dollars a year in employee burnout, low morale, turnover, higher absenteeism, lower performance and increased health care costs. The American Psychological Association estimates that 60 percent of all absences and late comings are because of issues related to stress, costing American companies about $57 billion in a year. Thus the study aims to find the impact of job stress on employees performance. As it is obvious that no one can work to its optimum level when s/he is under stress. Under severe stress, an individual fails to take clear-cut decisions, reevaluate and reassess the priorities and lifestyles, and ultimately, tend to fall into unproductive distractions. This can be described as a classic case of burnout. The burnouts often engage in reckless or risk-taking behaviors. Starting from glamour and sport celebrities to common men, burnouts are found everywhere. Often burnout will manifest itself in a reduction in motivation, volume and quality of performance, or in dissatisfaction with or departure from the activity altogether. PROBLEM STATEMENT Moten suggested that employee performance is declining due to the on the job activities and managerial policies. On the basis of her findings we are researching that Work activities and culture effect the work performance and behavioral performance in positive or negative way. RATIONAL FOR THE STUDY The framework of this project is inspired by the work of Motens research conducted in 2009. Her work consisted of several variables and its effect on employees. Our aim to conduct the research is to verify the effect of work activities and culture on the work and behavioral performance of employees. These variables have several dimensions. Thus it will help PTCL, in particular, and other organization to find the reasons of the difference in actual performance and the expected performance. OBJECTIVES OF THE STUDY The macro objectives of this study are: To determine the causes of job stress in a workplace. To find out the effect of job stress on the performance of the employees. To determine the factors that can reduce the job stress at PTCL. How Stress at work can be prevented or reduced? The micro objectives are: To determine the effect of work activities on the work performance and behavioral performance of employees of PTCL To determine the effect of culture on work performance and behavioral performance of employees at PTCL. THEORATICAL FRAME WORK Independent Variables Work activities and culture were the independent variable of the study. All the job conditions that may lead to stress are the result of stressors and can be used to measure the stress. Work activities Includes multi-tasking, strict deadlines and work load on employees Culture It includes support from Boss/ Supervisor and Management style of Boss/ Supervisor. Dependent Variables Dependent variable for the study is Work Performance and Behavioral Performance of the employees. Performance is the outcomes and accomplishments of the employees that are valued by the organization. It determines the success of the organization or we can say that success of any organization depends on the performance of its employees. The different dimensions of work performance are: Completion of given tasks Sense of Responsibility And the dimensions of Behavioral Performance are: Satisfaction level Low Morale For more clarity see the model (1.5.1) given below. RESEARCH METHODOLOGY Type of Study The study being conducted is descriptive in nature. Using this mode of analysis is favored to smooth the progress of study, establish and be able to describe the characteristics of a group in a situation. Descriptive study used helped to present and analyze the data in significant form. It also helped to understand the effects of job stress on the employee performance at PTCL. Type of Investigation The study is co-relational. The researcher identified the factors that cause stress among employees in PTCL and in turn how the performance of these stressed employees gets effect. Many factors were known as vital reason of the stress depending on the host as well. Any of these factors can cause stress but at times they all act as stressors. Sampling Method and Type of data collected Non-Probability sampling method was selected to collect the data from the population and the data gathered was qualitative in nature. Population and Sample size The study is about the performance of employees under job stress. The population for this study will be employees of PTCL. The sample size for this study is 100 employees of PTCL. Research Instrument Research approach was basically qualitative. But data was analyzed by both quantitative and qualitative techniques. Research topic was related to the Employee Performance under Job Stress. The research type was quantitative because after getting the response from sample through questionnaire the results extended from data were in numerical form and presented in the form of charts and graph. The research type was qualitative since it included literature review industrial and organizational analysis along with survey analysis. Data collection Data for this research was collected in two phases. Firstly data was collected for the use of literature review. For this purpose all the secondary sources like books, Internet, magazines, articles etc were consulted. Previous researches of many researchers regarding stress and performance were studied. Data was gathered from several journals, books, articles, reviews and Internet. Then a questionnaire was prepared to collect the data from the sample regarding the impact of these stress factors/variables on employee performance. The primary data was gathered from the sample personally. The permission from the organization was sought with reference to university. Questionnaire was distributed among the employees and was requested to fill it in within 3 days. Participants were free to inquire anything regarding the material on questionnaire or the research. This helped to trim down their doubts. LIMITATTIONS Regarding the limitations of the study, it may be reiterate due to scarcity of the resources and time constraints. A nationally representative sample could not be used. The study must cover the nation to obtain finding, which can be generalized with confidence. The study is designed to focus on the employee performance under job stress in one organization it cannot be generalized on the whole industry. Due to the significance of the topic, research carried out should be on national level. CHAPTER 2 LITERATURE REVIEW This part of the study provides the literature available on the research topic. It includes the citation from the previous works and theories done by different researchers. This helps to assist the research process and gains insight and in-depth knowledge about the subject and problems that are considered critical to this whole work. The sources of literature, studies, information, surveys and reports through articles have indeed enlighten and given us as a researcher proper direction to work and move into. By the help of the review the most important fact that came to researchers knowledge is that very little has been done in regard to cope with Job/workplace stress in Pakistan. To the researchers best knowledge, the current research is the first detailed and comprehensive study that shows the effect of job stress on employee performance in the business field of Pakistan. Occupational stress can be defined as the harmful physical and emotional responses that occur when the requirements of the job do not match the capabilities, resources or need of the worker (Sauter and Murphy. 1999). Porter and Streers, (1973) presented the study of occupational stress and its health consequences. It constitutes a major area of research in the behavioral sciences. Studies of specific stress-related illnesses feature prominently in the medical literature, while in occupational psychology work-related stress has been linked to both physical and psychological health problems across a broad section of the working population. Individuals under stress are reported to suffer adverse personal health, including ulcers, high blood pressure, heart attacks or even death and studies in the behavioral sciences have shown that poor employee performance, absenteeism and high labor market turnover are all linked to worker stress. According to James Tighe (June 2000) in his article Stress affecting mental health and physical health contributes that when people experience and feel under impossible pressure at work, meeting dead lines, unsupportive boss, being undervalued and lack of control over the work they lean to work harder and harder to try to close the gap between what theyre achieving and what they think they should be achieving. They stop taking breaks and lose touch with their own needs which creates stress not only in the organization but also disturbs their personal lives. Due to the increased popularity of Call centers Ruyter, K. et al. (2001) examined the causes and outcomes of role stress in a call center setting as a result of the conflicting demands of the company, supervisors, and customers. The participants of the study were 1200 employees of Insurance industry of Netherlands. The findings were that role stress is an originator of job satisfaction that, in turn, is an originator of poor job performance and turnover intention. Both empowerment/autonomy and competence were found to be antecedent conditions for role stress. They also found that while autonomy leads to role stress that leads to job satisfaction, competence has no direct impact on role stress. Another finding was that leadership had less impact in the model. So the researchers suggest that empowerment autonomy seems to have a relatively strong impact in terms of role stress reduction. Thus the employees should be given the freedom to influence pace, working method, and sequence of t asks in dealing with customers. In stressful work environments, it has been emphasized that job rotation and reinforcement of employees faith in their own competencies and skills are particularly useful in increasing job satisfaction. Employee recognition by management as well as strengthening employees confidence in their competence through task-related training programs may be the key to keeping high-performance call center employees. Another research by Lambert, Alysa D. et al. (2008) suggest that employees are so much strained due to different stressors that they readily give up some part of their salary even job. The study was conducted by taking 211 employees of two different organizations as sample. It was a two part on-line survey. Data was analyzed with the help of regression analysis. End results were that many work related factors induce employees to imitate the behavior of their co-workers to seek ways that can make the work schedule a bit flexible. The idea that people who are using flexible working arrangements were more productive is supported by this research also. Mubashir T. and Ghazal, S. (NA) conducted a research identify role of different contributing factors of job stress and to investigate level of stress on those factors among different departments of Walls Unilever Pakistan. And also to find that how job performance is affected by job stress. The sample for the study consisted of 65 employees having different levels of job in five different departments of Walls ICF. The data from the sample was collected through questionnaires. They concluded that Workload, co-workers and repetitive work are the major factors causing stress however a strange finding was that there was no affect of stress on job performance in the selected organization. Moten (2009) is of the view that workplace pressure comes from various factors and is expressed by employees in various behaviors. According to her, job stress is shaped through a range of ways such like interpersonal demands, role demands. Though the sources of these aforementioned types are different, their impacts are the same i.e. Low level of performance. She found out that employees are often thought to complete certain tasks which normally are not their job requirement. Most organizations impose multitasking upon their employees to cope with the recession and cut costs but unintentionally they are doing vice versa. Posing strict deadlines, requiring them attend meetings in very short notice, forcing them work late hours and making them prone to cut-throat competition and mounted work can lead to stress and anxiety. Workers may show signs of fatigue, absenteeism, and low morale. So at workplaces, friendly relations are very much important. Bosses should give their employees som e space to help them cope with the pressure and determining success at work. Stranks (2005) states in his book that stress is a pressure placed on a person beyond his ability to handle. It has a major hidden cost to employers. There are many direct and indirect causes of stress. Anxiety and depression is manifestations of stress so employer should be aware of the fact that employees experience certain types of stress in their lives. Particularly female workers can be subject to many stressors that male colleagues are not prone to. Changes in the organization can be a major reason for stress. There are techniques available for the measurement and evaluation of stress in organizations. So employers must give attention to various forms of human errors and violation at workplace and must find way to identify the traces of stress among their employees. This could be done by analyzing the standards of performance, staff attitude and behavior, relationships at work and sickness absence levels. His investigations in this line area brought out the fact that there is a direct relationship between stress-related human failure and accidents occurring at work. Strategies must be designed and considered at both individual and organizational level. Stress management programs and trainings should be introduced. Glazer Gyurak (2008) carried out a cross-cultural study to find the sources of stress among the nurses of various countries with respect to and free of the cultural influence. They filled a questionnaire regarding stress sources. Results were obtained by performing Chi-square analyses and t-tests. They found that quantitative workload might be a source of stress or anxiety in each country. Similarly leadership, lack of resources, low salary, negative rewards, certain patients and performing certain tasks can lead to stress. So there is a need to tailor occupational stress interventions to deal with the needs of nurses in a specific country, by addressing the specific stressors. Stress management includes taking care of organizational issues like leadership, peer support, organizational culture and policies, work design and reporting arrangements as well as job analysis, staff selection and training to enhance role clarity such that there is a balance between the individual and his work environment. Effective systems for motivation and performance management are essential (Jennifer et al, 2006). Kim (2002) conducted a research to show that participative management has positive effects on the job satisfaction and better communication can improve the performance of employees. The questionnaire was circulated among 4,097 employees of local government agencies. After running the regression analysis on the data collected, researcher found that employees who believe that their managers use participative style of management were more satisfied with their jobs. Also those mangers who applied strategic planning process found their employees to be more productive and easy to deal with. At the end, the researcher relates his findings with job stress and says that if employees are more satisfied they will eventually be less stressed and more productive. Zahavy Freund (2007) examined team effectiveness under stress. The author says that in case of stress team can lose cohesion, members may become dependent on others to avoid faults or lay off their burden or that they may become less effective. In order to avoid these troubles, team structure must be considered a vital aspect. For this purpose, data were collected from 643 members of 73 primary healthcare teams randomly selected from 1200 primary care clinics of the largest health maintenance organization in Israel. Participants filled the questionnaires as advised by the researcher. As a result this study differentiated among qualitative and quantitative stress, suggested that quantitative stress holds back team effectiveness, it also indicated that qualitative stress can enhance team effectiveness. In addition, the results also prove the fact that structure of the team really matters. Researcher suggests that organizations must support standardized routines to block the negative i mpact of quantitative stress on team commitment and effectiveness, and put into practice the ways that encourage self-sufficiency and a systems approach to enhance the positive effects of qualitative stress on team effectiveness. Glazer Beehr (2005) conducted a research to find out the correlation between stressors and how it leads to absenteeism or induce an individual to leave the job. These stressors can include workplace conditions, role ambiguity, role overload and role conflicts or any other issues that can cause anxiousness and strain among employees at workplace. The purpose of study was to observe the effect of these stressors from cultural aspect. So nurses working at hospitals of various countries were the population. Researchers distributed questionnaire among the sample through mail. After filling, nurses mailed back the questionnaires. The results supported the hypothesis that turnover is related to stress at some extent. However culture affects the tolerance level of the stress. Researcher is of the view that some cultures are more prone to stress but people take it for granted and as part of their job. But at some places stress has a great influence over employee and it affects their performa nce as well as expectations from their workplace. Whatever the reason may be to this fact, researcher suggests more investigation in this line. Anxiety Disorders Association of America (2006) conducted a survey research and observed the effect of anxiety disorders and the level of everyday stress in the workplace also. Findings of survey showed that majority of Americans experience stress and anxiety on a daily basis. And this stress is not without impact. For the four in five working persons who say they experience it daily, job stress often takes a toll on performance, quality of work, relationships with bosses and interactions with coworkers. A number of factors were indicated by employees that cause stress. These include deadlines, interpersonal relationships (i.e., interacting with superiors, coworkers, subordinates), staff management and dealing with problems. They also explained that stress affects their performance, relationship with co-workers/peers, quality of work and relationships with immediate superiors. Survey results suggested that people found sleeping a common relief practice for stress. Others are eating, talking to friends, or/and taking drugs. The only thing that people avoid is talking and asking their bosses. This is due to fear of being perceived as incompetent person, poor performer. Pearsall, M. J. et al. (May 2009) investigated the situations where both challenge and hindrance stressors coexist. They took interest in this topic because on the grounds that the positive motivational effects of challenge stressors might to some extent balances the harmful effects of interruption stressors on team outcomes. In an extremely stressful situation, team members will be incapable to split a range of stressors into positive and negative facets, and take into account multiple methods of coping. They are also of the view that in the presence of challenge and hindrance at the same time, team members will appraise the situation as strongly threatening and withdraw to accomplish their task and team responsibilities, reducing their motivation, effort and emotional connection to the team. This response will further hamper the recognition and exchange of expertise- specific information within the team as communication channels shut down and team members struggle to manage their own responsibilities and demands. 332 students from Southwestern University participated in the research and were grouped into 83 four-person teams. Teams had to operate an integrated, computerized, multi-person Distributed Dynamic Decision-making (DDD) simulation task. The results supported the use of the challenge hindrance framework at the team level as well as the central role of transactional theories of stress. That challenge stressors and hindrance stressors stimulate different forms of coping. The results also imply that team members adoption of a collective coping response signifies the team-level techniques underlying the differential effects of challenge and hindrance stressors on behavioral, cognitive, and affective outcomes. The aforementioned line of investigation supported the study conducted by Umiker (1992) which illustrated that Individuals who feel that they are in control of their jobs and their futures, are better able to handle stress. Also that these empowered workers become more productive out of being in control. Results of another study presented by Bushe et al. (1996) authenticate the positive and encouraging affects of employee empowerment which were congregated from increased customer satisfaction and innovation regardless of occupational grouping. Further he says that stress was reduced when a person did no longer have to report to someone daily. When employees are empowered, they take the control over their work which gives them a higher sense of accomplishment. The purpose of empowered work teams in Bushe et al. (1996) research was to reduce costs through fewer overheads and to speed up problem resolution. The organizational outcomes were increased productivity and efficiencies mainly because of quicker response rates through empowerment and removal of organizational barriers. The research also concluded that automation has left workers virtually on call 24 hours a day and has shortened the turnaround time from project conception to completion. Many workers work ten hours a day and co rporate restructuring makes them anxious about their job security. Symptoms of these stressed workers included drops in productivity, changes in work attitude, low morale and increased absenteeism. Reese (1997) Stress is a mental and physical condition, which have an effect on an individuals productivity, effectiveness, personal health and quality of work. Job stresss victims go through lowered quality of work life and job satisfaction. The harmful and costly consequences of stress demonstrate the need of strategies to limit stressors within the organization. Organizations that do not adopt strategies to alleviate stress may find their employees looking elsewhere for better opportunities. The impact of stress from overwork, long hours at work and work intensification has had a major and often devastating effect on organizations of developed nations. In America job stress alone costs American business an estimated $200 billion annually, the UK Â £63 billion and Australia $15 billion. This is the cost for compensation claims, reduced productivity, absenteeism, added health insurance costs and direct medical expenses for stress related illnesses. A recent American Management Asso ciation survey of 292 member firms revealed that per capita disability claims tend to increase when positions are eliminated. The survey, which dealt with layoffs between 1990 and 1995, found that the illnesses disabled workers sought treatment for gastrointestinal problems, mental disorders and substance abuse, hypertension and the like were stress related. Shahu Gole, (2008) have conducted a study to examine the effect of job stress and job satisfaction on performance. The participants for this study were those managers who either currently or previously held a managers post at different manufacturing companies. In total 100 managers from 15 private manufacturing companies completed assessments. The tools for this study were two different assessments. The first tool is job satisfaction instrument (developed by Mishra, R.S., Tiwari, and Manorama). The second tool is occupational stress index. The scale consists of 46 items with 5 alternative responses. The other instrument was a current (2005) performance evaluation that was completed by the executives of the each company. The participants were asked to fill the questionnaire and performance evaluation form. The analysis was conducted through multiple regression analysis and ANOVA. Results showed that job stress is negatively correlated to performance. He found working conditions and r ole overload to be major agreed upon stressors in various organizations and business sectors and low stressed employees tend to give maximum output as compared to high stressed groups. He laid great stress on organizations to seek remedies and work in this particular area in order to improve productivity. According to Melissa Bushman (2007) the common causes of low morale include stress, negativity and gossip within the workplace along with lack of incentive programs. The projected solutions to deal with low morale is increasing employee attitudes and improving attendance. Stress is the most frequent cause of low employee morale. Numerous factors may increase the stress levels of employees, but the major reason that employees experience stress is their relationship with their manager, and it has been proved that highly authoritarian managers are likely to cause an increase in level of absenteeism. Therefore, when absenteeism rates are high in a certain department of company, poor employee relationships with the manager or bosses should be considered. For this purpose management training could be used resolve the issue and avoid problems. Jamal (2005) observed the relationship of job stress and Type-A behavior pattern with employees personal and organizational outcomes in Canada and mainland China. It indicated that job stress is significantly related to burnout, low morale, health problems, job satisfaction, organizational commitment and turnover motivation. Findings also replicated the findings that job stress is related to personal and organizational outcomes. The results also indicated that job stress factors such as work overload, ambiguity and conflict were significantly related to overall burnout. The economic aspect of job stress was studied by Leontaridi Ward (2002). They discussed the factors that can have impact on the performance of employees in an economics context by bringing together all the relevant personal and socio-economic variables while working environment and employment conditions were considered to be contributing to work-related stress resulting in absenteeism, intentions of quitting behavior and turnover. Particularly, the stressful impact of occupation, hours of work and workplace relations on worker with focus on the labor market costs of stress by estimating the importance of work-related stress as a predictor of individuals quitting behavior and rate of absenteeism. The respondents were from 15 OECD countries. Results identify that certain physical and psychologica

The Stupidest Angel Chapter 10

Chapter 10 LOVE, KICKED TO THE CURB â€Å"You did what?† Lena said, then adding, â€Å"And take that bat off your head, it's unnerving to have a hat looking at you like that.† â€Å"Like what?† Tuck said. â€Å"Don't change the subject. You blackmailed Theo Crowe?† She was pacing her kitchen. Tuck sat at the counter, wearing a gold oxford-cloth shirt that complemented the bat on his head while accentuating the sea blue of his eyes. The bat, for once, wasn't wearing sunglasses. â€Å"Not really. It was only sort of implied. He'd figured out that I'd been in your ex-husband's truck. He knew. Now he'll just forget it.† â€Å"He may not. He may have some integrity, unlike some people.† â€Å"Hey, hey, hey. Let's not point the finger here, my ex is still living well in the Caymans on money that I rightfully stole from an organ-smuggling doctor, while yours, need I remind you –  » â€Å"Dale's death was an accident. Everything since then, all this craziness, has been your doing. You come into my life at the worst possible moment, like you had a plan all along, and things have gone more and more out of control. Now you're blackmailing my friends. Tucker, are you insane?† â€Å"Sure.† â€Å"Sure? Just like that? Sure, you're insane?† â€Å"Sure, everyone is. If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. The key – and this is very relevant in our case – is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own. Like us.† He flashed what Lena thought was supposed to be a charming grin, which was somewhat defused by his trying to untangle one of Roberto's wing claws from his hair. Lena turned from him and leaned against the counter in front of the dishwasher, hoping to steel herself for what she had to do. Unfortunately Tuck had just run a load of dishes and the steam from the vent in front was streaming through her thin skirt and making her feel inappropriately moist for righteous indignation. She spun around with resolve and allowed the dishwasher to steam her backside as she made her pronouncement. â€Å"Look, Tucker, you are a very attractive man†¦Ã¢â‚¬  She took a deep breath on the pause. â€Å"No way. You're breaking up with me?† â€Å"And I do like you, despite the situation –  » â€Å"Oh, right, you don't want to have anything to do with an attractive guy who you like, heaven forbid – ; â€Å"Would you shut up!† The bat barked at her tone. â€Å"You, too, fur face! Look, in another time and place, maybe. But you're too – I'm too – you just accept things too easily. I need –  » â€Å"Your anxiety?† â€Å"Would you please let me finish?† â€Å"Sure, go ahead.† He nodded. The bat, now on his shoulder, nodded as well. Lena had to look away. â€Å"And your bat is freaking me out.† â€Å"Yeah, well, you should have been around when he used to talk.† â€Å"Out! Tucker! I need you out of my life. I have too much to deal with – you are too much to deal with.† â€Å"But the sex, it was great, it was – ; â€Å"I understand if you want to go to the authorities – I may even go myself – but this just isn't right.† Tucker Case hung his head. Roberto the fruit bat hung his head. Tucker Case looked at the fruit bat, who, in turn, looked at Lena, as if to say, Well, I hope you ‘re happy, you broke his heart. â€Å"I'll get my stuff,† Tuck said. Lena was crying, and she didn't want to be crying, but she was. She watched Tuck pick up his things around the house and stuff them into a flight bag, wondering how he had spread so much crap around her house in only two days. Men, they were always marking territory. He paused at the door and looked back. â€Å"I'm not going to go to the authorities. I'm just going to go.† Lena rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache but mainly to cover her tears. â€Å"Okay, then.† â€Å"I'm going, then†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Good-bye, Tucker.† â€Å"You won't have anyone to sex up under the Christmas tree†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Lena looked up. â€Å"Jeez, Tuck.† â€Å"Okay. I'm going now.† And he did. Lena Marquez went into her bedroom to call her friend Molly. Maybe crying over the phone to a girlfriend would bring a sense of normalcy back into her life. Sour Nerds? Cinnamon Geeks? Or Gummy Boogers? Sam Applebaum's mom was picking out a ;nice; reasonably priced Cabernet, and Sam was allowed one item of candy from the rack at Brine's Bait, Tackle, and Fine Wines. Of course the Boogers would last the longest, but they were all mundane green-apple finish, while the Nerds proffered a fruity variety and an impudent little top note of tang. Cinnamon Geeks had a rich nose and a bit of a bite up front, but their tiny certified-public-accountant shape betrayed their bourgeois origins. Sam was learning wine words. He was seven and he very much enjoyed unnerving adults with his wine-word vocabulary. Hanukkah had just ended and there had been a lot of dinners at Sam's house over the last week, with a lot of wine talk, and Sam had joyfully freaked out a whole table of his relatives by pronouncing after the blessing that the Manischewitz blackberry (the only wine he was allowed to taste) was a â€Å"tannacious little cunt of a red, but not without a certain buttery geranium charm.† (He finished dinner in his room over that one – but it was tannacious. Philistines.) â€Å"You are one of the Chosen?† said a voice up and to the right of Sam. â€Å"I destroyed the Canaanites so your people would have a homeland.† He looked up and saw a man with long blond hair wearing a long black duster. A jolt went through Sam like he'd just licked a battery. This was the guy that had scared his friend Josh so badly. He looked around and saw his mom was in the back of the store with Mr. Masterson, the owner. â€Å"Can I get these with this?† asked the man. He had three candy bars in one hand, and a small silver coin about the size of a dime in the other. The coin looked very old. â€Å"That's a foreign coin. I don't think they take it.† The man nodded thoughtfully and looked very sad at the news. â€Å"But Nestle's Crunch is a fine choice,† said Sam, trying to buy time, and keep the guy from going off on him. â€Å"A bit naive, but an undergrowth of ambergris and walnut gives it legs.† Sam looked around for his mom again. She was still talking wine with Mr. Masterson, flirting about it – Sam could be cut up in pieces and put away in freezer bags and she wouldn't notice. Maybe he could get the guy to leave. â€Å"Look, they aren't looking. Why don't you just take them?† â€Å"I can't,† said the blond man. â€Å"Why not?† â€Å"Because no one has told me to.† Oh no. This guy looked like a grown-up, but actually he had the mind of a dumb little kid inside. Like that guy in Sling Blade, or the president. â€Å"Then I'll tell you to, okay?† Sam said. â€Å"Go ahead. Take them. You'd better get going, though. It's going to rain.† Sam couldn't remember ever talking to an adult like this before. The blond man looked at his candy bars, then at Sam. â€Å"Thank you. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men. Merry Christmas.† â€Å"I'm Jewish, remember? We don't celebrate Christmas. We celebrate Hanukkah, the miracle of the lights.† â€Å"Oh, that wasn't a miracle.† â€Å"Sure it was.† â€Å"No, I remember. Someone snuck in and put more oil in the lamp. But I will grant a Christmas miracle tomorrow. I must go.† With that, the blond man backed away, hugging his candy bars to his chest. â€Å"Shalom, child.† And in an instant he was just gone. â€Å"Great!† Sam said. â€Å"Just great. Throw that in my face!† Kendra – the Warrior Babe of the Outland, combat mistress of the hot-oil arena, slayer of monsters, menace to mutants, scourge of the sand pirates, sworn protector of the cud-beast herdsmen of Lan, and intramural Blood Champion of the Termite People (mounds seven through twelve inclusive) – enjoyed cheese. So it came to pass, on that twenty-third of December, with her noodles wet and congealing in the colander, that she did raise her well-muscled arm to the sky and call the wrath of all the Furies down upon her higher power, Nigoth the Worm God, for allowing her to leave the mozzarella at the Thrifty-Mart checkout counter. But the gods do not concern themselves in the affairs of lasagna, so the sky did not explode with vengeful fire (or at least not that she could see from the kitchen window) to incinerate the mingy god who would dare desert her in her most dire hour of cheese. What happened was nothing at all. â€Å"Curse be unto yon, Nigoth! Would that my blade was not broken, I would track you to the ends of the Outland and sever your thousand and one eyestalks, just to make sure I got your favorite. Then I would feed them raw to the most heinous –  » Then the phone rang. â€Å"Helloo,† Molly sang sweetly. â€Å"Molly?† Lena said. â€Å"You sound out of breath. Are you okay?† â€Å"Quick, think of something,† said the Narrator, â€Å"Don't tell her what you were doing.† The Narrator had been with Molly almost constantly for the last two days, mostly an irritation, except that he had remembered how much oregano and thyme to use in the red sauce. Nevertheless, she knew that he was a sign she needed to get back on her meds ASAP. â€Å"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Lena. Just buffing the muffin. You know, gray afternoon, storm coming in, Theo's a mutant – I thought I'd cheer myself up.† There was a long silence on the line, and Molly wondered if she'd sounded convincing. â€Å"Completely convincing,† said the Narrator. â€Å"If I wasn't here, I'd swear you were still doing it.† â€Å"You're not here!† Molly said. â€Å"Pardon?† said Lena. â€Å"Molly, I can call back if this is a bad time.† â€Å"Oh, no, no, no. I'm okay. Just making lasagna.† â€Å"I've never heard it called that before.† â€Å"For the party.† â€Å"Oh, right. How's it going?† â€Å"I forgot the mozzarella. Paid for it, then left it at the check stand.† She looked at the three cartons of ricotta sitting on the counter, mocking her. Soft cheeses could be so smug. â€Å"I'll go pick it up and bring it over.† â€Å"No!† Molly felt a jolt of adrenaline at the thought that she'd have to push through a long girlfriend session with Lena. Things were getting so blurry between Pine Cove and the Outland. â€Å"I mean, it's okay. I can do it. I enjoy cheese – shopping for cheese.† Molly heard a sniffle on the other end of the line. â€Å"Mol, I really need to help you with the goddamn lasagna, okay? Really.† â€Å"Well, she sounds as nutty as you are,† said the Narrator. Molly swatted at the air to shut him up – did a finger-to-lip emphatic rocking shush mime. â€Å"She's a crisis junkie if I ever saw one.† â€Å"I need to talk to someone,† Lena said with a sniff. â€Å"I broke up with Tucker.† â€Å"Oh, I'm so sorry, Lena. Who's Tucker?† â€Å"The pilot I was seeing.† â€Å"The guy with the bat? You just met him, didn't you? Take a bath. Eat some ice cream. You've known him two days, right?† â€Å"We shared a lot.† â€Å"Cowboy up, Lena. You fucked him and kicked him to the curb. It's not like he stole your design for a coldfusion reactor. You'll be okay.† â€Å"Molly! It's Christmas. You're supposed to be my friend.† Molly nodded at the phone, then realized that Lena couldn't hear her. True, she wasn't being a very good friend. After all, she was sworn protector of the cud-beast herdsmen of Lan, as well as a member of the Screen Actors Guild, it was her duty to pretend she cared about her friend's problems. â€Å"Bring the cheese,† she said. â€Å"We'll be here.† â€Å"We?† â€Å"Me. Bring the cheese, Lena.† Theo Crowe showed up at Brine's Bait, Tackle, and Fine Wines just in time to miss everything. Robert Masterson, the owner of Brine's, had called him as soon as he'd seen the mysterious blond man talking to Sam Applebaum, and Theo had rushed right over, only to find that there was nothing to find. The blond guy hadn't hurt or threatened Sam, and the boy seemed fine, except that he kept babbling about changing his religion and becoming a Rastafarian like his cousin Preston who lived on Maui. Theo realized midway through the interview that he was not the guy to enumerate the reasons why one should not spend his life smoking dope and surfing like Sam's cousin Preston because he: (A) had never learned to surf, and (B) didn't have the foggiest idea how Rastafarianism worked, and (C) would eventually have to use the argument: And look at what a complete loser I am – you don't want that for yourself, do you, Sam? He left the scene feeling even more useless than he had after the verb al bitch-slapping he'd taken from the pilot at Lena Marquez's house. When Theo pulled into his driveway at lunchtime, hoping he might be able to patch things up with Molly and get some sympathy and a sandwich, he saw Lena's truck parked in front of the cabin and his heart sank. He debated shuffling over to the commercial pot patch and smoking a sticky bud before going in, but that sounded an awful lot like the behavior of an addict, and he was simply on a little slide from grace, not a blowout. Still, he came through the door humbled, not sure at all how he was going to handle Lena, who might be a murderer, let alone Molly. â€Å"Traitor!† Molly said from over a pan of noodles she was layering into a pan with sauce, meat, and cheese. She had sauce on her hands up to her elbows and looked like she'd been engaged in some very messy surgery. The back door out of the kitchen had slammed shut as he came in. â€Å"Where's Lena?† Theo said. â€Å"She went out the back. Why, are you afraid she'll reveal your secret?† Theo shrugged and approached his wife, his arms out to the side in a â€Å"gimme a break† gesture. Why was it that when she was angry her teeth looked really sharp? He never noticed that any other time. â€Å"Mol, I was just doing it so I could get you something for Christmas – I didn't mean to – ; â€Å"Oh, I don't care about that – you're investigating Lena. My friend Lena. You just went to her house like she's a criminal or something. It's the radiation, isn't it?† â€Å"There's evidence, Molly. And it's not that I got high. I found fruit-bat hairs in Dale's truck and her boyfriend has a fruit bat. And the little Barker kid said – † Theo heard a car start up outside. â€Å"I should talk to her.† â€Å"Lena wouldn't hurt anyone. She brought me cheese for Christmas, for Christ's sake. She's a pacifist.† â€Å"I know that, Molly. I'm not saying that she hurt anyone, but I need to find out –  » â€Å"Besides, some fuckers just need killing!† â€Å"Did she tell you – ; â€Å"I think it's the pot that makes you reveal your mutant self.† She had a lasagna noodle in her hand and was waving it at him. It sort of looked like she was shaking a living creature, but then, he was still a little buzzed. â€Å"Molly, what are you talking about, ‘my mutant self'? Are you taking your meds?† â€Å"How dare you accuse me of being crazy. That's worse than if you asked me if it was my time of the month, which it isn't, by the way. But I can't believe that you'd imply that I need to be medicated. You mutant bastard!† She flung the noodle at him and he ducked. â€Å"You do need to be medicated, you crazy bitch!† Theo didn't deal well with violence, even in the form of soggy semolina, but after the initial outburst, he immediately lost the will to fight. â€Å"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Let's just – ; â€Å"Fine!† Molly said. She wiped her hands on a dish towel, then tossed it at him. In dodging it, he felt like he was moving in blurred bullet time in the Matrix, but in truth he was just a tall guy who was a little baked and the towel would have missed him anyway. Molly stomped through the little house, into their bedroom, and dropped to the floor on the far side of the bed. â€Å"Molly, you okay?† She came up holding a package the size of a shoe box wrapped in Christmas paper with a few dust bunnies clinging to it. She held it out to him. â€Å"Here. Take it and go. I don't want to see you, traitor. Go.† Theo was stunned. Was she leaving him? Asking him to leave her? How had this gone so wrong so fast? â€Å"I don't want to go. I'm having a really bad day, Molly. I came home hoping to find a little sympathy.† â€Å"Yeah? Okay. Here you go. Aw, poor stoned Theo, I'm so sorry that you have to investigate my best friend the day before Christmas Eve when you could be out playing in an illegal pot patch that looks like the jungle plateau of the gibbon people.† She held out his present and he took it. What the hell was she talking about? â€Å"So it is about the victory garden?† â€Å"Open it,† she said. She didn't say a word more. She put a hand on her hip and fixed him with that â€Å"I am so going to kick your ass or fuck your brains out† look that excited and terrified him, as he wasn't always sure which way she would go with it, only that she was going to get satisfaction one way or the other and he was going to be sore the next day because of it. It was a Warrior Babe look, and he realized fully, then, that she was having an episode. She probably really was off her meds. This had to be handled just right. He backed away a few steps and tore the paper off the package. Inside was a white box with the silver seal of a very exclusive local glassblower, and inside that, wrapped in blue tissue, was the most beautiful bong he'd ever seen. It was like something out of the Art Nouveau era, only fashioned from modern materials, blue-green dichromatic glass with ornate silver branches running through it that gave it the appearance of walking through a forest as he turned it in his hand. The bowl and handle, which fit his hand perfectly, appeared to be cast of solid silver with the same organic tree-branch design seeming to leap right out of the glass. This had to have been made just for him, with his tastes in mind. He felt himself tearing up and blinked back the tears. â€Å"It's beautiful.† â€Å"Uh-huh,† Molly said. â€Å"So you can see it's not your garden that bothers me. It's just you.† â€Å"Molly, I only want to talk to Lena. Her boyfriend threatened to blackmail me. I was only growing – ; â€Å"Take it and go,† Molly said. â€Å"Honey, you need to call Dr. Val, maybe see if she'll see you –  » â€Å"Get out, goddammit. You don't tell me to see the shrink. Get out!† It was no use. Not now, anyway. Her voice had hit the Warrior Babe frenzy pitch – he recognized it from the times he'd taken her to the county hospital before they'd become involved as lovers. When she'd just been the town's crazy lady. She'd lose it if he pressed her any more. â€Å"Fine. I'll go. But I'll call you, okay?† She just gave him that look. â€Å"It's Christmas†¦Ã¢â‚¬  One last try maybe. The look. â€Å"Fine. Your present is on the top shelf in the closet. Merry Christmas.† He dug some underwear and socks out of the drawer, grabbed a few shirts out of the closet, and headed out the front door. She slammed it hard enough behind him to break one of the windows. The glass hitting the sidewalk sounded like a summary of his whole life.

The Most Ignored Answer for Cleopatra Essay Topics

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The Great Gatsby By F. Scott Fitzgerald - 893 Words

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby tells the story of a nouveau-riche man chasing his dream in the midst of the prohibition. The story is told from the perspective of the narrator, Nick Carraway. Nick recounts the summer he spent with Gatsby as Gatsby tries to attain the American Dream, which he has personified in his past love, Daisy Buchanan. Fitzgerald presents two contrasting responses to the American Dream through his characterization of Nick as cynical and Gatsby as hopeful. Nick’s cynical response to Gatsby’s meeting with Daisy shows Nick’s response to the American dream as a whole. Characterization is a way of defining characters personality through their thought, words, and actions. Gatsby reunites with Daisy when she comes over for tea at Nick’s house. She and Gatsby spend the afternoon together, observed by Nick. Nick thinks, â€Å"There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams--not through any fault of her own, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything† (Fitzgerald 95). Nick’s perspective that Daisy must have â€Å"tumbled short† of Gatsby’s dreams devalues the level of Gatsby’s love for her, yet, Gatsby never verbalizes or indicates that Daisy has fallen short of his dreams. Here, Nick is expressing his cynicism towards the American Dream by critiquing Gatsby’s American Dream. Nickâ⠂¬â„¢s cynicism is further revealed in the way he speaks about the green light on Daisy’sShow MoreRelatedThe Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald1393 Words   |  6 PagesF. Scott Fitzgerald was the model of the American image in the nineteen twenties. He had wealth, fame, a beautiful wife, and an adorable daughter; all seemed perfect. 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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Essay - 1069 Words

Earth is consisted of billions of humans who differentiate emotionally, physically, culturally, and mentally. Humans are characterized by their experiences and not everyone has the same experience. Where we are born, how we are raised, and how we interpret life varies. However, once in every few generations, a stressful and disturbing event happens in a child’s life that could have a great impact on him and his future. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental disorder that results from experiencing or witnessing an extremely traumatic or tragic event that extends beyond one’s coping capacity. People with PTSD usually have frightening thoughts or vivid memories or dreams of that event. How a child reacts to a tragic event†¦show more content†¦A traumatic event can occur to any individual. In fact, 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event (Heal My PTSD, 2014). Trauma is not prejudice and knows no limits. However, witnessing a traumatic event as a child can have a grand effect on that child as he ages. According to the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center (2007), children who experience violence or a sexual assault are found at a high risk for emotional and behavioral problems. â€Å"Youth’s exposure to violence in the home occurs at high rates and often is noted as the most common and severe adverse events during childhood,† says Margolin and Vickerman (2011). Several studies indicate that approximately 13% to 50% of children exposed to family violence qualify for diagnosis of PTSD (Margolin Vikerman, 2011). Examples of household problems could be domestic violence, child physical abuse, rape and molestation. Children experiencing physical pain or witnessing physical pain at home are at risk of containing many mental health issues other than PTSD. Disorders such as depression, separation anxiety or hyperactivity disorder could also affect the child. Dexter Morgan was just a baby when he witnessed his mother brutally murdered by four men. Dexter and his older brother Brian were trapped in a shipping container for two days until police found them. Dexter never realizedShow MoreRelatedPost Traumatic Stress Disorder980 Words   |  4 PagesToday we are here to figure out why is it that past events are the triggers that cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or undergoing a dangerous event. There are various symptoms that begin to show or actions that can give a clear answer whether one may be diagnosed with this disorder. One of the many problems is that no age range is safe from suffering PTSD. One must ask themselves what set of events happenedRead MorePost Traumatic Stress Disorder851 Words   |  3 PagesPost Traumatic Stress Disorder Introduction â€Å"There are currently over 400,000 Veterans in treatment for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it is estimated that with the Iraq and Afghanistan wars there is an additional 33% increase in our returning soldiers.† Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has become a severe issue for veterans returning from overseas. One of the most effective, yet unused resources given to veterans to help them cope with their disorder is specially trained dogs. TheseRead MorePost Traumatic Stress Disorder884 Words   |  4 Pagesof traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes.† (NIMH) Families of veterans struggle to help their loved ones. â€Å"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder caused by a person’s exposure to life-threatening or otherwise traumatic circumstances.† (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder affectsRead MorePost-Traumatic Stress Disorder1630 Words   |  7 Pagesare now accessing mental health services for the treatment of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) defined by DSM-IV-TR is â€Å"characterised by the re-experiencing of an extremely traumatic event accompanied by symptoms of increased arousal and by avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma† (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 2000). There are many impacts and effects this disorder has on refugees requiring treatment, interventions, education andRead MorePost Traumatic Stress Disorder1004 Words   |  5 Pagescurrent criteria of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has changed since the DSM-IV. In the DSM-V, the diagnostic criteria draws a clearer line when detailing what establishes a traumatic event. The DSM-V pays more attention to the behavioral symptoms that accompany PTSD and proposes four distinct diagnostic cluster s instead of three. They are described as re-experiencing, avoidance, negative cognitions and mood, and arousal. 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As of today, the Unites States has 2.8 million veterans who served in the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, of those it is estimated that 11 to 20% currently suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. As of 2013, a total of 12,632 veterans of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars are currently diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (Glover 2014). Of course it

The Indigo Spell Chapter Seven Free Essays

string(54) " me for a moment, like they could see all my secrets\." I MIGHT HAVE BEEN DETERMINED to find Marcus, but I certainly wasn’t going to argue against a gun. I raised my hands in the air and slowly stood up, keeping my back to the newcomer. Just as carefully, I stepped away from Marcus and set the vial on the floor. We will write a custom essay sample on The Indigo Spell Chapter Seven or any similar topic only for you Order Now Fumes still wafted out of it, but the reaction would burn itself out soon. Then I dared a peek behind me. When I saw the girl who stood there, I could barely believe my eyes. â€Å"Are you okay?† she asked Marcus. He was unsteadily getting to his feet. â€Å"I left as soon as you called.† â€Å"You!† I couldn’t quite manage anything more articulate. The girl standing before me was close to my age, with long, tangled blond hair. She still had the gun on me, but a small smile appeared on her face. â€Å"Nice to see you again.† The feeling wasn’t mutual. I’d last seen this girl when I faced down the Warriors in their arena. She’d been toting a gun there as well and had had a perpetual snarl on her face. She’d pushed me around and threatened me, making no secret of how heretical she thought my defense of Sonya was. Although she seemed much calmer now than she had with those fanatics, I still couldn’t dismiss what she was – or what the implications were. I turned to Marcus in disbelief. He was cradling the wrist I’d nailed with my elbow. â€Å"You . . . you’re one of them! One of the Warriors of Light!† I don’t think I’d ever been so let down in my life. I’d had so many hopes pinned on Marcus. He’d become larger than life in my mind, some rebel savior who was going to tell me all the secrets of the world and free me from being another cog in the machine of the Alchemists. But it was all a lie. Clarence had mentioned Marcus had convinced the Warriors to leave him alone. I’d assumed it was because Marcus had some incredible leverage he could use against the Warriors, but apparently, the key to his influence was that he was one of them. He looked up from his wrist. â€Å"What? Those nuts? Hell, no.† I almost pointed at the girl but decided it would be best not to make any sudden moves. I settled for a nod in her direction and noticed all the locks on the door had been undone. I’d been so caught up in the struggle with Marcus that I hadn’t heard them. â€Å"Really? Then how come one of them just saved you?† â€Å"I’m not really one of them.† She spoke almost casually, but the gun contradicted her tone. â€Å"I mean, I guess I kind of am. . . .† â€Å"Sabrina’s a spy,† explained Marcus. He looked much more at ease too, now that I wasn’t assaulting him. â€Å"A lovely one. She’s been undercover with them for over a year. She’s also the one who told me about you.† Once again, it was hard knowing how to respond to that. I also wasn’t sure if I bought this spy story. â€Å"What exactly did you tell him?† He shot me a movie star smile. His teeth were so white that I wondered if he had veneers. It seemed out of character for a rogue who lived on the run, but nothing about this day was really turning out like I’d expected. â€Å"She told me about this Alchemist girl who defended a Moroi and then helped lead a dhampir raiding party.† Lead? Hardly. No one – notably Stanton – had felt the need to enlighten me about that raid until I was in the middle of it. I didn’t want to tip my hand too early though. â€Å"The Alchemists sanctioned that raid,† I said. â€Å"I saw the way you spoke,† said Sabrina. Her eyes flicked between Marcus and me, fierce for me and admiring for him. â€Å"It was inspiring. And we watched you for a while, you know. You spent an awful lot of time with the Moroi and dhampirs in Palm Springs.† â€Å"It’s my job,† I said. She hadn’t really seemed inspired at the time. Mostly she’d looked disappointed at not having a chance to use the gun on me. Marcus’s smile turned knowing. â€Å"From what I heard, you and those Moroi almost looked like friends. And then, here you are, looking for me. You’re definitely the dissident we’d hoped for.† No, this was not turning out at all like I’d planned. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite of what I’d planned. I’d been so proud of my ability to track down Marcus, little knowing that he’d been watching me already. I didn’t like that. It made me feel vulnerable, even if they were saying some of things I’d hoped to hear. Needing to feel like I was in control, I tried to play it cool and tough. â€Å"Maybe there are other Alchemists about to show up,† I said. â€Å"They would’ve been here already† he said, calling my bluff. â€Å"They wouldn’t have sent you alone . . . though I did panic when I first saw you. I didn’t realize who you were and thought there were others right behind you.† He paused, and that cocky attitude turned sheepish. â€Å"Sorry about, um, punching you. If it makes you feel better, you did something pretty serious to my wrist.† Sabrina’s face filled with concern. â€Å"Oh, Marcus. Do you need to see a doctor?† He tested the movement of his wrist and then shook his head. â€Å"You know we can’t. Never know who might be watching at a hospital. Those places are too easy to monitor.† â€Å"You really are hiding from the Alchemists,† I said in amazement. His nodded, almost looking proud. â€Å"You doubted? I figured you’d know that.† â€Å"I suspected, but I didn’t hear it from them. They deny you exist.† He seemed to find that funny. In fact, he seemed to find everything funny, which I found slightly irritating. â€Å"Yup. That’s what I’ve heard from the others.† â€Å"What others?† â€Å"Others like you.† Those blue eyes held me for a moment, like they could see all my secrets. You read "The Indigo Spell Chapter Seven" in category "Essay examples" â€Å"Other Alchemists wanting to break free of the fold.† I knew my own eyes were wide. â€Å"There . . . there are others?† Marcus settled on the floor, leaning against the wall and still cradling his wrist. â€Å"Let’s get comfortable. Sabrina, put the gun away. I don’t think Sydney’s going to give us any trouble.† Sabrina didn’t look so sure of that, but after several moments, she complied. She joined him on the floor, positioning herself protectively next to him. â€Å"I’d rather stand,† I told them. No way would I willingly sit on that filth. After rolling around with Marcus, I wanted to go bathe myself in hand sanitizer. He shrugged. â€Å"Suit yourself. You want some answers? You give me some first. Why’d you come looking for me off the Alchemist clock?† I didn’t like being interrogated, but what was the point of being here if I wasn’t going to engage in a dialogue? â€Å"Clarence told me about you,† I said at last. â€Å"He showed me your picture, and I saw how you’d tattooed over the lily. I didn’t even know that was possible.† The tattoo never faded. â€Å"Clarence Donahue?† Marcus looked genuinely pleased. â€Å"He’s a good guy. I suppose you’d be friends with him if you’re in Palm Springs, huh?† I started to say we weren’t friends but then reconsidered. What else were we? â€Å"Getting this isn’t easy,† added Marcus, tapping the blue tattoo. â€Å"You’ll have to do a lot of work if you want to do it.† I stepped backward. â€Å"Whoa, I never said that’s what I wanted. And why in the world would I do it anyway?† â€Å"Because it’ll free you,† he said simply. â€Å"It prevents you from discussing vampire affairs, right? You don’t think that’s all it does, do you? Think. What stops it from exerting other control?† I pretty much had to just give up on any expectations for this conversation because every topic was crazier than the last. â€Å"I’ve never heard of anything like that. I’ve never felt anything like that. Aside from it protecting vampire information, I’m in control.† He nodded. â€Å"Probably. The initial tattoo usually only has the talking compulsion in it. They only start adding other components with re-inks if they’ve got a reason to worry about you. People can sometimes fight through those and if they do . . . well, then it’s off to re-education.† His words sent a chill through me, and I rested a hand on my cheek as I flashbacked to the meeting I’d had when I was given the Palm Springs assignment. â€Å"I was re-inked recently . . . but it was routine.† Routine. Normal. Nothing like what he was suggesting. â€Å"Maybe.† He tilted his head and gave me another piercing look. â€Å"You do anything bad before that, love?† Like helping a dhampir fugitive? â€Å"Depends on your definition of bad.† Both of them laughed. Marcus’s laugh was loud and rollicking and actually pretty infectious – but the situation was far too dire for me to join in. â€Å"They may have reinforced your group loyalty then,† he said, still chuckling. â€Å"But it either wasn’t very strong or else you fought through it – otherwise you wouldn’t be here.† He glanced over at Sabrina. â€Å"What do you think?† Sabrina studied me with a critical eye. I still had a hard time believing her role in all of this. â€Å"I think she’d be a good addition. And since she’s still in, she could help us with that . . . other matter.† â€Å"I think so too,† he said. I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t like being discussed as though I weren’t there. â€Å"A good addition to what?† â€Å"Our group.† To Sabrina, he said, â€Å"We really need a name for it, you know.† She snorted, and he returned his attention to me. â€Å"We’re a mix. Some are former Warriors or double agents like Sabrina. Some are ex-Alchemists.† â€Å"And what do you do?† I gestured around us. â€Å"This doesn’t exactly look like a high-tech base of operation for some covert team.† â€Å"Look at you. Pretty and funny,† he said, looking delighted. â€Å"We do what you do – or what you want to do. We like the Moroi. We want to help them – on our own terms. The Alchemists theoretically want to help them too, but we all know that’s based on a core of fear and dislike – not to mention a strict control of its members. So, we work in secret, seeing as the Alchemists aren’t fans of those who break from the fold. They really aren’t fans of me, which is why I end up in places like this.† â€Å"We keep an eye on the Warriors too,† said Sabrina. She scowled. â€Å"I hate being around those nuts, having to play along with them. They claim they only want to destroy the Strigoi – but, well, the things I’ve heard them say against the Moroi too . . .† I thought back to one of my more disturbing memories of the Warrior arena. I’d heard one of them make a mysterious comment about how someday, they’d deal with the Moroi too. â€Å"But what do you guys actually do?† Talking about rebellions and covert operations was one thing, but actually effecting change was another. I’d visited my sister Carly at her college and seen a number of student groups who wanted to change the world. Most of them sat around drinking coffee, talking a lot and doing little. Marcus and Sabrina exchanged glances. â€Å"I can’t quite get into our operations,† he said. â€Å"Not until I know you’re on board with breaking your tattoo.† Breaking your tattoo. There was something sinister – not to mention permanent – about those words, and I suddenly wondered what I was doing here. Who were these people, really? Why was I even humoring them? Then another, almost terrifying thought hit me: Am I doubting them because of the tattoo’s control? Is it making me skeptical around anyone who questions the Alchemists? Is Marcus telling the truth? â€Å"I don’t really understand that either,† I told them. â€Å"What it means to ‘break’ the tattoo. Do you just mean putting ink over it?† Marcus stood up. â€Å"All in good time. Right now, we’ve got to get out of here. Even if you were discreet, I assume you used Alchemist resources to find me?† I hesitated. Even if these guys were legitimate and had good intentions toward the Moroi, I certainly wasn’t going to reveal my involvement with magic. â€Å"Something like that.† â€Å"I’m sure you’re good, but we can’t take the chance. This place has been compromised.† He cast a wistful glance around the studio. Honestly, I thought he should be grateful I’d given him a reason to leave. Sabrina rose as well, her face hardening. â€Å"I’ll make sure the secondary location is ready.† â€Å"You’re an angel, as always,† he told her. â€Å"Hey, how did you know I was coming?† I asked. â€Å"You had time to hide and call her.† What I really wanted to know was how he’d seen me through the invisibility spell. I’d felt the magic fill me. I was certain I’d cast the spell correctly, but he’d discovered me. The spell wouldn’t work if someone knew to look for you, so maybe he’d happened to glance out the window when I was scaling the fire escape? Worst timing ever. â€Å"Tony warned me.† Marcus flashed me another of those dazzling grins. I think he was trying to make me smile back. â€Å"Good kid.† Tony? Then I knew. The boy in the parking lot. He’d pretended to help me and then sold me out. He must have spoken to Marcus while I climbed the fire escape. Maybe Marcus only answered to some secret knock. At least I had the comfort of knowing I’d cast the spell correctly. It simply hadn’t worked because Marcus had advance warning that some girl was coming after him. He began packing up his meager belongings into a backpack. â€Å"The Catcher in the Rye is a great book, by the way.† He winked. â€Å"Maybe someday we’ll have a literary discussion.† I wasn’t interested in that. Watching him, I saw that he kept favoring his uninjured wrist. I couldn’t believe I’d caused damage like that and felt a little guilty, despite everything that had happened. â€Å"You should get that taken care of,† I said. Sabrina nodded in agreement. He sighed. â€Å"I can’t. At least, not through conventional means. The Alchemists have eyes everywhere.† Conventional means. â€Å"I, uh, might be able to help you get it healed through unconventional means,† I said. â€Å"You know some off-the-grid doctor?† asked Sabrina hopefully. â€Å"No. But I know a Moroi spirit user.† Marcus froze, and I kind of liked that I’d thrown him off guard. â€Å"Seriously? We’ve heard of them but never met one. That woman they had – Sonya? She was one, right? She was gone before we could find out more.† Talking about Adrian made me nervous, but Sabrina probably already knew he existed if they’d been watching me. â€Å"Yeah, she was one, and there’s another in Palm Springs. I could take you to him and let him heal you.† Excitement lit Marcus’s features. Sabrina looked at him in horror. â€Å"You can’t just go off with her.† Was that concern or jealousy in her voice? â€Å"Why not?† he asked. â€Å"She’s taking a leap of faith with us. We can’t do any less. Besides, I’m dying to meet a spirit user. The safe house isn’t that far from Palm Springs. You make sure everything’s in order and then come pick me up later.† Sabrina didn’t like that, not at all. Maybe I didn’t understand the dynamics of their group yet, but it was obvious she regarded him as a leader and was insanely protective. In fact, I suspected her feelings for him were more than professional. They went back and forth on whether he’d be safe or not, and I listened without a word. All the while, I wondered if I’d be safe heading off with some unknown guy. Clarence trusted him, I reminded myself. And he’s pretty paranoid. Besides, with Marcus’s wrist out of commission, I could probably take him. He finally convinced Sabrina to let him go but not before she snarled, â€Å"If anything happens to him, I’m coming after you.† Apparently her hard-core character in the arena hadn’t been entirely faked. We parted ways from her, and before long, Marcus and I were on the road to Palm Springs. I tried to get more information out of him, but he wouldn’t bite. Instead, he kept complimenting me and saying things that were only one step away from pickup lines. Judging from the way he’d bantered with Sabrina too, I didn’t think there was anything particularly special about me. I thought he was just used to women fawning all over him. He was cute, I’d give him that, but it took a lot more than that to win me over. It was sunset when we pulled up to Adrian’s apartment, and I belatedly wondered if I should’ve given him some advance warning. Too late now. We walked up to the door, and I knocked three times. â€Å"It’s open,† a voice called from within. I stepped inside, and Marcus followed. Adrian was working on an abstract painting of what looked like a crystalline building from some fantasy world. â€Å"Unexpected treat,† he said. His eyes fell on Marcus and widened. â€Å"I’ll be damned. You found him.† â€Å"Thanks to you,† I said. Adrian glanced over at me. A smile started to form – and then instantly dried up. â€Å"What happened to your face?† â€Å"Oh.† I lightly touched the swollen spot. It still smarted but wasn’t as painful as it had been earlier. I spoke my next words without thinking. â€Å"Marcus hit me.† I’d never seen Adrian move so fast. Marcus had no chance to react, probably because he was exhausted from our earlier encounter. Adrian shoved Marcus up against a wall and – to my complete and utter astonishment – punched Marcus. Adrian had once joked that he never dirtied his hands, so this was something I never could have prepared myself for. In fact, if Adrian was going to attack someone, I would’ve expected something magical and spirit-driven. Yet . . . as I watched him, I could see that anything as thoughtful as magic was far from Adrian’s mind. He had kicked into primal mode. See a threat. Go after it. It was yet another surprising – yet fascinating – side of the enigma that was Adrian Ivashkov. Marcus quickly got his bearings and responded in kind. He pushed Adrian back, wincing a little. Even with his injury he was still strong. â€Å"What the hell? Who are you?† â€Å"The guy that’s going to kick your ass for hurting her,† said Adrian. He tried another punch, but Marcus dodged and managed to land a hit that knocked Adrian back into one of his easels. When Marcus swung again, Adrian eluded him with a maneuver that was straight out of Wolfe’s class. I would’ve applauded him if I wasn’t so appalled by the situation. I knew some girls thought it was sexy to have men fight over them. Not me. â€Å"You guys, stop!† I cried. â€Å"No one’s going to throw you around and get away with it,† said Adrian. â€Å"What happened with us has nothing to do with you,† retorted Marcus. â€Å"Everything about her has to do with me.† The two circled around each other, waiting for the other to pounce. â€Å"Adrian,† I exclaimed. â€Å"It was an accident.† â€Å"Doesn’t look like an accident,† he replied, never taking his eyes off Marcus. â€Å"You should listen to her,† growled Marcus. The easygoing guy I’d met earlier was gone, but I guess being attacked would do that to you. â€Å"It might save you from getting your pretty face wrecked. How much styling did you have to do to get your hair like that?† â€Å"At least I brush my hair,† said Adrian. Marcus lunged forward – but not directly at Adrian. He grabbed a painting off an easel and used it as a weapon. Adrian again managed a dodge, but the painting didn’t fare so well. The canvas tore, and Marcus tossed it aside, ready for the next advance. Adrian spared the canvas a brief glance. â€Å"Now you’ve really pissed me off.† â€Å"Enough!† Something told me they weren’t going to listen to reason. This required direct intervention. I stalked across the room and pushed myself between them. â€Å"Sydney, get out of the way,† ordered Adrian. â€Å"Yeah,† agreed Marcus. â€Å"For once he’s got something worthwhile to say.† â€Å"No!† I held out my hands to separate them. â€Å"Both of you back off – now!† My voice rang through the apartment, and I refused to budge. â€Å"Back. Off,† I repeated. â€Å"Sydney. . . .† Adrian’s voice was a little more uncertain than when he’d told me to get out of the way. I looked back and forth between them, giving each guy a healthy glare. â€Å"Adrian, it really was an accident. Marcus, this is the guy who’s going to help you, so show some respect.† This, more than anything, seemed to derail them. â€Å"Wait,† said Adrian. â€Å"Did you say ‘help’?† Marcus was equally flabbergasted. â€Å"This asshole is the spirit user?† â€Å"You’re both acting like idiots,† I scolded. The next time I had nothing to do, I’d have to get a book on testosterone-driven behavior. This was out of my league. â€Å"Adrian, can we talk somewhere in private? Like the bedroom?† Adrian agreed, but not before giving Marcus one last menacing look. I told Marcus to stay where he was and hoped he wouldn’t take off or call in someone else with a gun. Adrian followed me to his bedroom and shut the door behind us. â€Å"You know,† he said, â€Å"under normal circumstances, you inviting me to the bedroom would be the highlight of my day.† I crossed my arms and sat on the bed. I did so out of simple fatigue, but a moment later, I was struck by what I was doing. This is where Adrian sleeps. I’m touching the covers he’s wrapped in every night. What does he wear? Does he wear anything? I jumped up. â€Å"It really was an accident,† I told him. â€Å"Marcus thought I was there to abduct him.† Adrian, having no such hang-ups with the bed, sat down. He winced, probably from the blow to the stomach. â€Å"If someone like you showed up to abduct me, I’d let you.† Even when he was in pain, it never stopped with him. â€Å"I’m serious. It was just instinct, and he apologized over and over in the car once he realized who I was.† That got his attention. â€Å"He knew you?† I gave him a recap of my day in Santa Barbara. He listened avidly, nodding along, his expression shifting back and forth between intrigue and surprise. â€Å"I didn’t realize when I brought him back here that you’d inflict more damage,† I said, once I’d finished the story. â€Å"I was defending your honor.† Adrian gave me that devil-may-care smile that always managed to both infuriate and captivate me. â€Å"Pretty manly, huh?† â€Å"Very,† I said dryly. I didn’t like violence, but him doing something so out of character for me actually was kind of incredible. Not that I’d ever tell him that. â€Å"You did Wolfe proud. Do you think you can manage not to have any more ‘manly’ displays while he’s here? Please?† Adrian shook his head, still smiling. â€Å"I’ve said over and over, I’d do anything for you. I just keep hoping it’ll be something like, ‘Adrian, let’s go hot tubbing’ or Adrian, take me out for fondue.'† â€Å"Well, sometimes we have to – did you say fondue?† Sometimes it was impossible to follow Adrian’s train of thought. â€Å"Why in the world would I ever say that?† He shrugged. â€Å"I like fondue.† I didn’t even know what to say about that. This whole day was getting more and more exhausting. â€Å"I’m sorry I’m not asking for something as glamorous as melted cheese. But for now, I need to find out about Marcus and his group – and the tattoo.† Adrian recognized the situation’s severity. He stood up and gently touched the lily on my cheek. â€Å"I don’t trust him. He could be using you. But then . . . I don’t like the idea of this controlling you either.† â€Å"That makes two of us,† I admitted, losing some of my earlier toughness. He traced the line of my cheek for a few breathless moments and then dropped his hand. â€Å"It might be worth helping him to get some answers.† â€Å"Will you promise not to get in any more fights? Please?† â€Å"I promise,† he said. â€Å"So long as he doesn’t start one.† â€Å"I’ll have him promise too.† I just hoped their â€Å"manly† natures wouldn’t get the better of them. As I ruminated on this, something I’d nearly forgotten about tumbled to the forefront of my mind. â€Å"Oh . . . Adrian, I’ve got one more favor to ask you. A big one.† â€Å"Fondue?† he asked hopefully. â€Å"No. It’s about Ms. Terwilliger’s sister. . . .† I told him what I’d learned. The amusement in his face faded and turned to disbelief. â€Å"You just mention this now?† he exclaimed when I finished. â€Å"That some soul-sucking witch might be after you?† â€Å"She doesn’t know I exist.† I felt surprisingly defensive. â€Å"And I’m the only one who can help, at least according to Ms. Terwilliger. She thinks I’m some super-investigator.† â€Å"Well, you do have that Sherlock Holmes thing going for you,† he said. His joking didn’t last; he was too upset. â€Å"But you still should’ve told me! You could’ve called.† â€Å"I was kind of busy with Marcus.† â€Å"Then your priorities are off. This is a lot more important than his band of Merry Men. If we need to take out some evil sorceress before she gets to you, then of course I’ll help.† He hesitated. â€Å"With one condition.† I eyed him warily. â€Å"What’s that?† â€Å"Let me heal you too.† I jerked backward, almost more shocked than if he’d suggested hitting me again. â€Å"No! Absolutely not! I don’t need it. I’m in better shape than him.† â€Å"You want to go back to Amberwood with that on your face? You’re not going to be able to hide that, Sage. And if Castile sees it, he really will come after Marcus.† Adrian crossed his arms defiantly. â€Å"That’s my price.† He was bluffing, and I knew it. Maybe it was egotistical, but I knew he wasn’t going to let me go into a dangerous situation without him. He did, however, have a point. I still hadn’t seen the mark Marcus had left, but I didn’t want to explain it back at school. And yes, there was a good chance Eddie would want to hunt down my assailant. Being beat up by an avenging dhampir might make working with Marcus difficult. Yet . . . how could I agree? At least the magic I used was on my terms. And although my tattoo had trace amounts of vampire magic, I took comfort in knowing it was tied to the â€Å"normal† four elements, the ones we understood. Spirit was still an unknown entity, with abilities that continually surprised us. How could I subject myself to rogue vampire magic? Guessing my inner turmoil, Adrian’s face softened. â€Å"I do this all the time. It’s an easy spell. No surprises.† â€Å"Maybe,† I said reluctantly. â€Å"But each time you use spirit, you’re more likely to go crazy.† â€Å"Already crazy about you, Sage.† At least this was familiar territory. â€Å"You said you wouldn’t bring that up.† He simply regarded me without comment. Finally, I threw my arms up. â€Å"Fine,† I said, with more boldness than I felt. â€Å"Just get it over with.† Adrian didn’t waste any time. Stepping forward, he reached out and rested his hand on my cheek once more. My breath caught and my heart rate went up. It would be so, so easy for him to pull me to him and kiss me again. A tingling warmth spread over my skin, and for a moment, I thought it was just my normal reaction to him. No, I realized. It was the magic. His eyes locked onto mine, and for the space of a heartbeat, we were suspended in time. Then he removed his hand and stepped away. â€Å"Done,† he said. â€Å"Was that so bad?† No, it hadn’t been bad at all. The throbbing pain was gone. All that was left was the constant inner voice nagging me that what had just happened was wrong. That same voice tried to tell me that Adrian had left a taint behind . . . but that was hard to believe from him. I released the breath I’d been holding. â€Å"Thank you,† I said. â€Å"You didn’t have to do that.† He gave me one of those small smiles. â€Å"Oh, believe me, I did.† A moment of awkward silence hung between us. I cleared my throat. â€Å"Well. We should get back out to Marcus. Maybe we’ll have time for dinner before Sabrina shows up, and you guys can patch things over.† â€Å"I doubt even a moonlight stroll would fix things between us.† His words reminded me of something else I’d meant to bring up when he got back to town, something that had taken a very low priority. â€Å"Your coat – you never took it back after the wedding. It’s in my car.† He waved dismissively â€Å"Keep it. I’ve got others.† â€Å"What am I going to do with a wool coat?† I asked. â€Å"Especially here in Palm Springs?† â€Å"Sleep with it,† he suggested. â€Å"Think of me.† I put my hands on my hips and tried to stare him down, which wasn’t easy since he was so tall. That, and because his words suddenly returned me to the disorienting feeling I’d had sitting on his bed. â€Å"You said you weren’t going to bring up any romantic stuff around me.† â€Å"Was that romantic?† he asked. â€Å"I was just making the suggestion, since the coat’s so heavy and warm. I figured you’d think of me since it was such a nice gesture. And yet, once again, you’re the one who finds romantic subtext in everything I say.† â€Å"I do not. You know that’s not what I meant.† He shook his head in mock sympathy. â€Å"I tell you, Sage. Sometimes I think I’m the one who needs to take out the restraining order on you.† â€Å"Adrian!† But he was already out the door, knowing laughter echoing behind him. 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